After several months of strange behavior my husband left his e-mail open one day on my computer. I ended up finding several messages to an old co-worker that definitely was not casual friendly chatter. When I confronted my husband he at first laughed it off but after several days of discussion agreed that what he did was wrong. He admitted some of their banter was wrong but claimed that this poor girl has no friends and he is just there to let her vent. It is one thing to vent, another to discuss weekend plans or plans to run away to Hawaii together! I argued that I would never trust him with this particular person again, while it was nice he wanted to be her friend he had moved to some inappropriate behavior and that he was married and she should find other friends. He continued to hear from her for several months and I caught him lying about it a few times. Each time this ended up causing us a lot of drama and heartache. Finally I just told him if he was going to be in contact with her, fine- but he MUST tell me about it immediately. He agreed and did okay for a couple of months. However then, out of the blue on a Sunday afternoon he gets a text from her. This blew my mind because he had promised me that it was just a work relationship via e-mail however to me this just threw it into an entirely new level. He was embarrassed and did not want to discuss it. So I reminded him of our deal. He promptly deleted the message completely so I could not read it but I found several other ones from her with him stating how much he missed her. Long story short, he finally got the fact that he could not have any contact or relationship with her and cut ties- as far as I know. He has a work e-mail that I do not have access to and is very good at making sure to delete all old mail on his other account as well as text messages.
Anyway- he finally cut contrust husband after emotional affairtact almost a year ago but I still have a very difficult time trusting him. I cannot read his mind and while I want to believe he is being honest, I truly have no way of knowing for sure. How long does it take to build that trust back up? In the beginning he was very focused on making things better between us but lately he is falling back to his old ways and it makes me jumpy!
Once trust is broken it is broken.First let me say you did nothing wrong at all.I would have confronted him too. This will always be in the back of your mind trying to push forward..It takes Professional help for this one .I wish I had a magic answer for you but truly the only way to build back trust is both of you in counseling with a certified professional
Your Welcome ... I will keep you in my prayers
It takes YEARS!! You husband must completely breaking off ALL contact; that is the ONLY way your marriage can survive.
I would suggest that you contact the organization below, they can help you.
I have been where you are and there are STILL twitches and it's been over 8 years.
Nearly 3 years ago, I discovered my husband was having a physical affair. We have since recovered. I am much better on back then, however we did a marriage programme specifically designed to resolve issues arising from infidelity.
Men don't have "emotional affairs".
He was trying to get in her pants, apparently without success.
You will never truly know if he's lying to you. That is the past. If you want to build a future, you should probably get some professional help.
You cant put a time on it. Its all based on if he does in fact continue to contact her or not and how you continue to deal with it.
There is no magic time frame. It's different for everyone. It will take as long it takes.
By the time you're in your grave, that's how long it will take !
Ttrust husband after emotional affairhat's hard... but if you cut off all contact, wouldn't it just be "absence makes the heart grow fonder"? Anyone have an opinion on that? OP?
Paragraphs are a great aid to not blinding people with so many words and making it hard work to read what they wrote.
I am now struggling to see the screen and I hold you personally responsible. A suit to the total of approx $1.2 million will follow..........naturally.
As for advice, I'd recommend what I do. Think about it for approx 2 mins and whatever is in your head at that time is what you should do. Any more time spent with it will make you depressed.
No body here knows your particular situation and there are always two sides to a story. Many times when people look back, after a divorce, many souses who were cheated on realize if they handled things a little differently, the entire episode could have ended up differently. You may need some professional counseling to get over all this. Try to not worry so much about what your husband is doing. Try focusing on YOUR life instead. Make the quality of your life better. Your happiness is dependant on you, not what he does.
I would never stay with a man who has a history of going after other women, specially having proof of the affair, emotional or physical, is the same thing.
If you can't take the heat (infidelity) then get out of the kitchen (divorce) the simplest formula in the world and very few apply it and insist on living miserable lives, I will never understand.
How about marriage counseling? Actually there's an alternative to marriage counseling that you can find online - it's a free e-mail course by Dr. Frank Gunzburg called "Your blueprint for saving your marriage". It has helped my marriage a great deal, maybe you should check it out yourself. Hope it helps:
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